The many faces of Facebook picture poses women do

Men are just as guilty as women, but women stick to the tried and true few poses that they think make them look really good in Facebook pics. For instance, how many 'chicken wings' have you seen in pics where a lady puts her hand on her hip with elbow jetting out and shoulder slightly pushed in so her collar bone sticks out justtttt a bit more to make it seem to the untrained eye like she is super skinny?...well played, my friend...well played. I'd like to call out a few poses and then suggest a few alternatives just to mix it up now and then.

The Chicken Wing - already mentioned. It's the act of putting ones hand on hip with a jetting motion of the elbow. Usually performed by the end person in a group shot.

The Kissy Face - seen by promiscuous women or women that wish they were in real life, but portray this via facebook. Most likely captured between the hours of 12am and 3am

MySpace Pose - Either photo shot from the bathroom mirror or holding the camera at an abnormally high angle in order to capture the cleavage, but miss the 3 chins you have...and slightly ghetto.

The Sorority Squat - Obviously very prevalent in any sorority-centric picture. It actually looks a bit wrong when your mind is in the gutter. It actually really hurts being in this pose for long periods of time when the camera person can't seem to work the piece of technology properly so you end up staying there for an eternity. Anywho, awful pose.

Alternatives:

Megan Fox Pose - Only to be attempted if actually seductive looking. Otherwise it could mean the end of you. Lean forward and do a slight pouty face with slit eyes.

To The Left Pose - Think Blake Lively. A slight lean so your hair looks a bit longer and your body looks a bit curvier. Recommended most for women who have extremely long legs and no curves...I hate those kind of people - I kid I kid

You and Dat Booty Pose - Think Jessica Biel and her butt. She has curves and works out a ton so of course she's going to want to accentuate the areas she's most proud of. Recommended for women who keep it nice and tight - could have a big butt, but not a sloppy butt. Toned.

The Puma and Cougar...

I commend women for being confident enough to date a bit younger - have some fun. On the bus last night from work I noticed some hot men playing a little baseball with some of the best butts and hamstrings I have ever seen...turned out they were practicing for their high school team. Anywho, the point of this article is to highlight the Puma (younger female in her late 20s to early 30s) and the Coug (no definition needed). Drew Barrymore is a typical Puma while Demi is obviously the quintessential Cougar.

Enough with the definitions. Let's dig in - I believe everyone should experience the Puma and dabble in the Lolita (younger woman who dates older men and is usually kind of a slooter). Enough with the "I'm going to date down and nab me a man that's hairy and fat because I know I can marry him quick". My mother is kind of guilty of this...hopefully she's not reading this. Actually, most of the women of LG are guilty of this and any other suburban, affluent community. Men cheat no matter how hot their wives are - look at Tiger Woods. So a woman shouldn't be worried about "Well, if I date a hot young guy then he'll cheat on me and that'll be the end of that". Au contraire (see how I just threw in a little French right there...educated) Women of today have excellent jobs - we're not all in secretary bullpens like Mad Men, we take care of ourselves (GTL baby), and we have way more to offer conversation wise than previous generations. Let's face it - Grandma Janet is the wittiest person I've come in contact with...

So, Ladies - go date younger and report back...I think you'll like what you find.

Lady Gaga Syndrome

We all know the power Lady Gaga has over us women, but the real issue is that men think she's beat in the face. Let's face it - we kind of know she's a real dog without all that makeup and studded shades on too. However, we continue to try to look like her and wear ridiculous outfits that she inspires us to wear. Ladies - we need to stop. We need to stop dressing like this if we want men to think of us as women rather than circus clowns. Granted, she does have sex appeal and you can a tip or two from her on that, but don't think you can pull off much of anything she wears in the real world. Men don't want to have to figure out if you're attractive or not with an xray machine and makeup remover - he wants to look at you and see some natural beauty or at least potential. Think Brigitte Bardot. She has Lady Gaga sex appeal, but without all the crap. Also, it's a known fact men like long hair...I challenge anyone to this debate.

Don't Fall Victim to Crying Sorority Girl Status

Crying Sorority Girl...a legend on the internet, but something to fear in the real world...Men cannot stand drama - this is nothing new to the female brain. However, women continue to make big issues out of small things. For instance, it is not necessary to tell your ENTIRE friendship circle that you are upset with someone else...duke it out instead woman to woman. It is also not appropriate to tell a guy you are interested in how much of a shitter your life is...instead highlight the best qualities of it - it's not like living in your early 20s -30s is glamorous for anybody...unless you're a Kardashian.

Rules to live by:
-Men want to feel secure in life like their mothers made them feel so be a rock and a backbone...not the central nervous system on complete meltdown....
-Cut the crap - keep issues cut and dry. Black and white is the best policy and stick to it!
-Don't waffle - don't over analyze situations...shoot from the hip...don't ask questions
-Passive aggressiveness is NOT attractive - the epitome of this behavior is Kell on Earth...scene: omg, you didn't geeettttt thuhhhhh papehhhssss duunnnnnn. likkkkkkke thuttttttt isssss sooooo ruuudddduuuhhhh. (my best impersonation of a valley girl accent via text)

Big Dating Myths

Big Dating Myths — And Surprising Truths

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Cosmo comes up with some crazy shit - half is true while the other half is complete bull...Let's call out the bull in the above article 'Big Dating Myths'.

First, I'm not a big fan of any article stating 'myths' or the 'need to know' because it makes things complicated and men are simple. Seriously, men are very cut and dry and Cosmo will mess with your head and tell you to put ice cubes in your mouth during sex while I've never heard a guy go "You know what I really love - when a girl gives me frostbite down there...hot".

According to Cosmo:
Truth #1 - A new study published in the journal Behaviour found that, to reel in the boys, the ideal amount of flesh you should reveal is 40 percent. A crop top and mini crosses the line from seductive to skanky.
Jayne's Truth #1 - somewhat agree - if it's not a blind date, you'll probably know what the guy is into. Meaning, if he checked out your chest upon first meeting then you should probably wear a low cut top or something that accents that region. If the guy looked more like the ass man then make sure to wear jeans that lift and show off the booty and make your waist look small.

Truth #2: Despite a recent study from McMaster University in Canada that found women tend to do just that, most guys actually go for chicks who will eat a real meal in front of them, says Scott Kudia, author of If This Is Love, Why Am I Unhappy? Not that you should stuff your face, but men want to be with someone who will be herself around him. Nibbling at rabbit food reads as phony and guarded.
Jayne Truth #2: I actually agree with this statement by Cosmo. A chick should not eat like a rabbit on a date. They shouldn't eat like a hog either, but some balance is key. Don't order the salad - esp with dressing on the side. Women look like they have issues if they order something like this and it will make a guy nervous. If a guy isn't nervous then run because it means he's used to dating psycho anorexics...

She's car hot...

Women of America - I cannot stress this enough when I say 'Dress for Men'...just do it. You don't need to have your boobs hanging out, but you do need to keep the feathers out of your head, the shades to an optimum face to frame ratio, and the bag lady tunics to a minimum...nothing says 'sexy' like an oversized shirt with leggings and ballet flats - actually that says more like 80 yr old lady in a house dress.

Don't ask your 'fashionista' friend for advice on how to dress because she probably looks good to other chicks, but has absolutely no game and probably doesn't pull in the men very well. Try to be under-stated sexy, not Liberace looking.

When a guy compalins that a chick is 'car hot' it means they are hot while driving with the big shades on, but once stopped you can tell she's a 5 instead of a 9 like first thought...remember you don't meet men going 100mph down the freeway.

I want that man...

As Debbie Harry put it

Here comes the 21st century It's gonna be much better for a girl like me 'Cause I want everything I can But most of all I want that man, I want that man

Indeed, it's nice to have a man. It's also nice to have a backbone and morals. What I mean is this - chicks today don't stop when a guy says 'I have a gf'. Instead they escalate the flirtation and chase. It's embarrassing to watch a girl text a guy constantly, write on his facebook wall, and hound the poor man when he's taken and she's obsessed. I dated a guy and this chick (who will go unnamed...however, she has awful hair!) literally wrote on his facebook wall everyday, texted him AND facebook friended me even though we had never met before and the only reason we were connected was that he went to the same college as him...oh ya and we started dating AFTER we graduated so then it becomes totally disconnected. I had nightmares that she would break into my apartment, hold a knife to my throat and perm my hair to match hers...horrific.

Ladies: this isn't a Lifetime movie! Leave taken men alone! If you do it to this guy you know some chick will do it to your man when you do find one at some point in your life. Keep it kosher.

Snow Etiquette

As I head up to Breckenridge today to see some old friends I thought it would be appropriate to give a few tips on proper behavior when you're one of few chicks amongst a group of guys going snowboarding.

1. Don't limit the fun of the group - if they are bombing down the hill and you can't keep up you really need to just let it happen and tell them you'll find your own fun. Independence is sexy...neediness is not

2. Consider heading in early for one of the days so that beers are ready for the guys when they get tired and head in for lunch. You'll be a saint and golden in their book with little to know effort on your part other than parking it somewhere and buying the booze.

3. Don't look like you killed 100 animals just to go up to the snow. Overdoing fur is gross and tacky. Think about wearing something a little more subtle and shapely.

4. Don't look like a dude out there. The worst thing is to have an over-sized jacket (guilty), goggles, helmet, etc. on and people mistake you for being a guy because you can't attract men if you look like their little brother.

Bye Bye Bye: Breaking Up Song and Dance Tips

Breaking up with someone is an art. It's like business - you want the other person to feel like they got the best deal out of it. For women, we tend to be super territorial even after a breakup and look like crazies when we go out and run into an ex. Just remember - men are just as psycho as women (if not more) after a breakup, but they show composure. Take no prisoners after a breakup and follow some simple tips:

• Yes it sucks that your comfort blanket is gone - if you really want him back don't play that psycho 'Let's just be friends and I'm always here for you' bullshit. You need to be independent during these trying times. Go out. Go out with a lot of men - preferably hotter and more successful men. Use it to practice and perfect things your ex found annoying about you. And maybe you'll find yourself with him again in the future.
  
• DON'T CALL HIM OR HIS FRIENDS - it's vital you do not toy with his friends. Friends are off limits because it's just going to piss him off or it's going to piss his friends off that you used them. Instead, think about dating people or going out with people completely distant from any ties with your ex. It'll keep you from bringing him up in conversation and won't cause WWIII among the inner circle.
• Try not to defriend him from Facebook. It will take a lot of will power not to look at his Facebook profile and pics, but you MUST refrain from defriending...it makes you look weird and unhinged.
• GTL baby - Gym, Tan, Liquor. You need to be in top shape during this time. Go to the gym with some makeup on so some juiceheads give you some ego boosting comments and remember to tan. Yes, that's horrible advice for the cancer ridden society we are, but you need to look fresh and alive - not like Casper the Friendly Ghost. Also, booze - start socially drinking a bit more. It'll loosen you up...just hopefully not too many of your morals.
  

Wingwoman tips: How to be great and getting your friend the guy at the bar

A wingwoman is a very important role in life. You make the assist - the assist is held in high regard even in sports so in life it's just as important. As Wingwoman, there are a few traits and strategies all great wingwomen must possess:

• Great eye sight...either natural or with the help of glasses. It's vital to be able to pick up on whether a guy is staring at your friend or at you. You also must be able to tell from a good 40 yards away with dim lighting whether he's ugly or not.
• Conversation Starter - it's your job to be able to introduce your friend or at least support your friend in the initial phase as well as be able to relate to the guy in some way. For instance, if the guy says he's into baseball you need to be able to ask him what his favorite team is and give a bit of info on it or tell him why they suck. You can be sassy because you're supposed to be the wingwoman so being slightly cocky and bitchy is not terrible in this situation - it will give your friend a chance to be on his side on this one.
• Flexible - you need to make quick decisions and change plans on the fly. If your friend is talking to the guy and they decide they want to move to a new location you need to be able to go with it. There's nothing worse than a chick who says 'But insert friend's name - I thought we were going to stay here and have fun together..." That's extremely annoying and will turn a guy off immediately.
• Be observant - You need to be able to take subtle hints and analyze the situation. It's vital you know exactly what the guy thinks of your friend right off the bat so your friend doesn't end up with her head drowning in a bowl of ice cream watching the Notebook that night when you get back from the bars and he didn't text back or want to hang out soon because he'll be traveling and unavailable...meaning he's not interested. You also need to be able to know when your presence is not needed anymore. Don't be that friend that lingers too long while your friend and potential love mate are trying to hit it off more one on one - not try to take on you and her as if you're conjoined twins. It's also annoying when you stay too long and you and your friend are telling too many inside jokes and talking about people this guy doesn't know because he'll get super bored and peace out asap when that kind of talk starts after first meeting you both.

Good luck out there...